The New Year
On the last day of the year, I woke up at an unreasonable hour. I toasted a loaf of French bread and indulged myself with a wedge of Laughing Cow Light Swiss Cheese (although, indulge might be the wrong word, as each wedge constitutes only 35 calories– I don’t know whether I should be worried, or impressed?). I prepared a pot of chicken congee for my food-poisoned boyfriend, and I loitered around in my parents’ kitchen drinking Chinese green tea for a solid couple of hours. I assembled a modest New Year’s-stay-in pack, in case Dan miraculously got better and could somehow stomach some Martinelli’s later, and then made my way to his house, only to find that his condition had worsened. We spent the next several hours resigned to his bed, him drifting in and out of sleep and of the bathroom, and me, snuggled up next to him and switching between reading Let the Great World Spin and thinking about the upcoming year.
Invariably at this time of year, I begin to feel anxious at the thought of not having lived up to the past 365 days of my life. Another year, another list of things I did not complete, my shortcomings, my failures– and all seemingly contributing to why I’m not where I “should be”. It is brutal, but you know what they say– you are your own worst critic.
This year, I’ve finally let go of that disparaging mentality. As I lay in bed, counting down the hours until the new year, I found myself reflecting on this past year happily, fulfilled. I can say, with full-fledged conviction, that I don’t regret a single thing from 2011. Everything done had a reason, and everything that needed to happen, did. I’m thankful for the relatively big milestones, the failures and disappointments, the little things accomplished, the bad habits I’d abandoned, the places I’d visited, and especially all of the people who were there by, for and with me through it all (much emphasis on that last clause).
If 2012 is even half of what 2011 was, I’d be happy.
Happy New Year’s everybody. To all of my friends: I love you.
And finally, a quote from one of my favorite authors:
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.
So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” – Neil Gaiman
//edit: this was my 50th post! yay for the longevity —although not necessarily consistency— of this blog!
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